Today was the day when I had my first event, which was connected to my grief. Without any expectation, I knew it would be okay and help me ground in America again. Maintaining everything, I plant my seed and wait for the sun to grow my roots. My Mysore practice is a grounding meditation for me. My pranayama practice is the best thing of the day; it helps me with my anxiety and gets me through my days.
But about that workshop. It was at Common Thread, where I had practiced since we moved here. Lovely studio with beautiful green walls, a clean and basic area, and a good place for practice. Alice opened that studio after COVID-19 and also has a connection to grief. All our connections are different, but at the same time, all of us are struggling with the same.
Alice shared some of her thoughts about the time when she lost her child. It was real. She mentioned journaling, which helps us see our feelings through the paper. It helps us to organize thoughts and see our brain movement through a physical aspect. She mentioned the basic topics, but through her guideline I would like to add my thoughts to help anybody who’s going through any loss.
- Journaling, diary 📔
When we plan something with my hubby, I always bring a pen and one blank sheet of paper. I love to write things down, have journals, and have a printed calendar. I write down my daily plan, and to-do lists, etc. I write down everything about my practice, my feelings about the problems become smaller, and I see the big picture.
2. Art – Book – Anything which makes you “meditate” 🖼️
I started to do paint by number 🎨 when I moved. After I bought the canvas and started painting by myself, It is meditation for me. I don’t think about anything. I just do; I’m really in the moment at that time. I started to draw about my grief. Art is a good healer.
3. Grounding – Nature 🌲 🌳 🌴
Walking in nature is healing. Seeing nature and animals and listening to how the river is guttering has its type of healing. Movement and life are healing. All of them are opposite to death. Nature dies in winter, although it just looks like. But don’t forget, nothing is constant, born in spring.
4. Pranayama – breath work – moving the life force 🧘
Waking up in the middle of the night. Staring at the ceiling. Thinking about crying or just falling back asleep. It’s harder than I thought. Paying attention to the breath it helps. If you really can’t sleep, wake up. Sit and just observe your breath, observe a candle, or just slightly open your eyes, look at the ground, and just sit. Observe all your feelings and thoughts but not attach to them. Aparigraha in Sanskrit – letting go of what you don’t need. Non attachment.
5. Meditation
Meditation is 💆🏼♀️ probably a moment when we don’t have thoughts. Just sitting and observing your breathing is meditation. It can be a meditation if you lie down and just observe your breath. Swimming can be meditation. Running is meditation for some of us. Art, drawing, and coloring can be meditation. Working with wood, making candles, clay art, or everything when you just don’t overthink and attached to the thoughts.
6. Yoga – movement with breath 🔥
Moving our bodies is life. When we are in savasana (corpse pose), we observe our body without movement. Sometimes, I think about who I am. Because if I can observe and look at my feelings, I’m not my feeling. If I can look at my body and observe it, I’m not my body. If I can look at and observe my thoughts, I’m not my thoughts. Yoga helps you to ground and fly at the same time. It will be a moving meditation if it’s happening and you are in the moment. And day by day, you will be less distracted by anything. (for example, a toenail, others, or your hair or body…)
I would like to add a plus, which has also helped me a lot in the past months.
7. Take care of yourself (by me) – I mean it 🌱
Don’t forget the basics. Wash your hair, do your nails, take a bath, and love yourself. Watch a movie. If you can’t read, listen to music. Dance if you can, or if you can’t, then dance more.
Say no if you feel. Keep your boundaries. If something is not okay, others must know. You can have a slot in the day or a spot in the house if you want just to feel alone. I read in one book one grieving woman had a chair in the garden, and sometimes she just sat there and cried, and her family let her be alone with her grief.
Grief comes like waves 🌊 . Nothing is linear; one day, I just feel okay, and the other entire day is stuck to tissues and the bed. But you must do your job and pretend “everything’s okay.” But not. Who had the same experience? But all experience is different. Sometimes, I merge with my grief. But sometimes I realize I’m not my grief, I’m just visited by grief. Who will understand me?
Our grief is love, which has no connection anymore. We have to find the connection where we can send our love which can’t be recieved anymore by our love ones. – as Alice said.
I would like to add to my list, where I would like to spend and send my love.
- explore nature
- create
- teach yoga
- craft
8. Connect (by me)
Reach out to the people around you. I’m sure they want to be here for you, and they just might not know you need them. Perhaps it is the hardest. When you lose somebody, you need love and pampering, but sometimes it’s hard to recognize by others. They want to give space for your feelings; sometimes, it is better to be alone, and sometimes you will crave attention. But you also can open the door without any judgemental thoughts and without questioning their love.
9. Take your time(by me)
Let yourself rest and cry. I’m active; I always used to do something, rollerblade, cycle, go to the gym, walk, and do all my physical activities. The passivity does not mean not doing anything. Passivity, rest, and crying were also very important in that period. Let yourself feel your feelings. Don’t bury them.
10. Grief connection( by me)
Read about others’ grief. Rent a book from the library, go to the workshop or a community.
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And the last one, not least. One story about time and…process. So please take your time.
The Cocoon and the Butterfly
The story starts with a man who is obsessed with butterflies. One day, he comes across a cocoon with a tiny opening, indicating a butterfly inside struggling to break free and come out of it. Excited and curious, the man decided to wait till the butterfly came out, as he was very eager to see it come out of the cocoon and was also hopeful that it would be able to spread its wings and fly.
So, the man decided to wait, no matter how long it took, to witness the grand flight of the insect. However, he could see that the butterfly was struggling for a long time and showed no signs of breaking free anytime soon. He had been watching for the past ten hours and could see the butterfly still struggling to escape the cocoon. Becoming impatient and concerned for the butterfly, he grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the cocoon, helping it come out completely. He was truly overjoyed to see the butterfly no longer struggling and expected it to fly.
Unfortunately, the butterfly had a swollen body and weak, thin wings. He did not know that it was only during the struggle that the fluids from the butterfly’s body would be absorbed and developed to make its wings bigger. Since he interrupted the process, the butterfly could not complete it wholly and was left with a swollen and weak body that could only slowly crawl around the floor, not healthy enough to fly. The man cut open the cocoon with good intentions but was unaware of these processes. As a result, the butterfly will probably have a very limited lifespan, and the man will not be able to satisfy his curiosity and interests.
